Your Fighting Technique is Unstoppable

I have a goal. And that goal is to regain at least half the fitness I had right before I got pregnant. At that time, Kelly and I were running and exercising quite often -- sometimes even getting up on Saturday mornings at 6:00 to run a race. I look back on that now like I looked back on my college days of going out almost every night and trying to drag myself to class the next day. At least my afternoon classes. Anyway, in retrospect, it seems crazy. But at that point, it made sense. We were young(er), fit, competitive. And both of us have athletic histories. (I can't make any sense of the crazy college behavior so I won't even try to justify it.)

Now my desire to get into shape is motivated by something completely different. They're named Locke and Lola.

It's not hard to imagine, now that they're not just walking but running everywhere, that it takes much more strength and stamina on my part to keep them safe, clean, fed, and happy. And they're also getting bigger and heavier with each passing day so lifting and carrying them requires major muscle power.

But there's more to it than just the ordinary growth and development of the twins that's challenging to the mere mortal mom. It's also their new cunning defense moves. I don't know how they each thought of, practiced and perfected their techniques at such a young age, but they have and, dang it, the moves work.

I named Locke's technique "the noodle." It began several months ago when I'd try to pick him up to take him to the diaper-changing area. Evidently, he anticipated the diaper change. In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have said things like, "Hmmm, I think someone's pooooopy." But I really didn't feel like a blind ambush was fair. So, I'd go to pick him up and he'd go completely limp. His whole body would instantaneously become a wet noodle. Have you ever tried to pick up a 25 pound wet noodle? It's not easy.

Now, after several months of perfecting his technique, Locke can even collapse his shoulder blades so that his arms slip right through your grasp and he drops to the floor on his feet, which are already running away from me. Impressive.

Lola has a very different technique. Hers is the combination head thrust/head butt. When I pick her up, the first part of the combo is to thrust her head backward, which creates a stiff board effect. It also has the added impact of throwing your balance off because all the weight suddenly lunges away from your body, forcing you to use control the situation using only your wimpy biceps.

The combo finale is the old head butt to the collar bone. Just when you've regained control by bringing her back in toward you, she reverses her head, pounding it into your chest. You're constantly having to shift the power center to keep her head from hurting her or you. It's a complex move but one she's mastered. But, thankfully, she only uses the technique in extreme circumstances. Like when she's having way too much fun to have her diaper changed.

So, if my posts are less frequent these days it's probably because I'm spending more time (naptime) on my new exercise and fitness regime. Because I've got a wrestler and a wet noodle to diaper.