Love Me Two Times

A while back, Matthew, over at Childsplayx2 wrote a post about the rewards and challenges of raising twins. There's no instant during any day that you don't feel the impact of having two babies. When you're out with them, the pride is apparent in your smile and your posture and in the words you speak to them. And when you're alone with them, you get to feel the magnetic field that can bring them both simultaneously walking up to you, all four arms reaching around your neck in a big, sloppy hug. This love -- that you're lucky enough to be the recipient of -- is overwhelming. But the challenges can also be overwhelming.

Certain moments in parenting should be manageable without much thought. Case in point: your baby's crying, so you pick him/her up. Easy, right? But some of these moments can be difficult for a parent of two babies, both the same age, with the same (or similar) needs. There are times when both babies (or now, toddlers -- wow, it's so weird to say I have two toddlers!) are in need of something (usually your attention) and you must choose which one to attend to first. It seriously must be the hardest thing for a parent of twins. When your child is upset, you comfort him or her. It's instinctive and instantaneous. Usually. But when you have two babies and they're both upset, you have to quickly assess the situation, and choose one. It's never easy.

When they were younger, it was even harder. Knowing that one of your precious babies is going to have to watch you hold the other one while tears stream down their puffy little cheeks and the look in their eye couldn't be more desperate -- it's heartbreaking. But now that they're a little older and beginning to understand things a little more, and beginning to be more independent, other challenges present themselves.

Now that Locke and Lola are walking, I want so badly to take them for a walk. How simple. Just take them out on the sidewalk and walk around, holding their hands, checking out the sights. But with two, it's almost impossible. We wouldn't get two feet out the door before Locke would take off in one direction and Lola, the other.

Until they get better at understanding direction (they're on the right track) and develop a healthy amount of fear of the unknown (I don't even see that one on the horizon), a simple walk outside will not be a part of our daily schedule. I've seen people with their toddlers on leashes and, although that would solve my dilemma, I can't bring myself to leash Locke and Lola. Plus, I couldn't stand the looks I'd receive from people -- the same looks I'm sure I've given people holding the leash attached to their child.

So, for now, we'll hold our two-legged exercise sessions in a large park, with plenty of running room on soft, cushy grass and pretty trees for shade. I love watching them run freely, laughing and yelling. And what better fitness routine for me than chasing two adorable toddlers barefoot in the grass?

What Vacation?

Before I forget that it ever happened (thanks to Conrad and Nolan's mom for the reminder), Kelly and I had our first vacation since the babies were born -- without the babies! We spent four beautiful days doing nothing but lounging around on Waikiki Beach, soaking up the sun, people-watching, reading (yes, real books, even!), and relaxing. It was perfect.

It was difficult to leave Locke and Lola, though. The longest I'd been away from them before was about five hours on New Year's Eve when they were safely asleep under my parents' watchful eyes, never realizing we'd even left. This time would be a little different.

Lola and Locke stayed with my parents and Mimi, who drove 200 miles to help out. Kelly was already in Hawaii on business and I was scheduled to meet him on Easter Sunday. As I made my way out the door of my parents' house, bag in hand, Lola began to cry, holding her arms out to me in the most dramatic way, making me feel like one minute apart from her would be anything but relaxing. But Mimi called my cell phone as my dad was driving me to the airport and told me Lola was laughing and playing with Locke and had, for all appearances, forgotten I existed. I felt much better. Sort of.

The trip was great. Every morning we'd stake out our spot on the beach and, for most of every day, we'd relax under the umbrella, watching people, reading and talking. We strolled around the shops, loading up on kitchy souvenirs (who knew that kuikui nut necklaces, which sell for $6 would be so stylish right now?). And we ate some tasty sushi. It was so nice to be alone to do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted.

We called every day and talked with Locke and Lola. The conversations were often one-sided, but we didn't mind. Locke screached a time or two into the phone at me. That's true love. But four days is the perfect amount of time for your first time away from a new baby or two. By our last day, we couldn't wait to get back to see them.

Our excitement built as my dad drove us from the airport to their house. We were finally going to get to see them. They'd probably scream with delight, walking as fast as they could to greet us. Maybe Locke would do his speed crawl -- he'd be too excited to walk.

We opened the door and Locke was first to walk over. His face beamed with joy. And Lola made her way over and greeted us "ada da da da". We took turns holding and hugging them, smothering them with kisses. And then they went back to playing with Grandmommy and Mimi. Hmmm. No extended emotional greeting. No hanging all over me, afraid to let me out of their sight again. Didn't they realize I'd been away for four days, wondering every minute what they were doing and missing them terribly? It was like I'd run to the store -- not been an ocean away. That can only mean that Grandmommy, Granddaddy and Mimi took such great care of them that they never lacked for anything -- except us. And they trusted us enough to know we'd be back before they realized we were gone.

Now I look forward to our next vacation without Locke and Lola. But, more than that, I look forward to travelling with them -- showing them places we've been, and exploring new places together.

First Birthday!

I still can't believe it's true. Locke and Lola are one whole, beautiful, crazy, impressive, breathtaking, wondrous, wonderful year old. Their birthday was April 22nd -- Earth Day. It's gone by faster than I ever expected. Even after hearing a thousand times about how quickly they grow up. It's yet another part of the parenting process you could never have imagined before -- the sudden warp speed of time.

When Lola and Locke turned one, they suddenly seemed so much more like children than babies. They're walking exclusively now. They're drinking milk instead of formula (YEA!!!!). And they're so much better at communicating, pointing at things and babbling as if they're pretty sure they're speaking just like everyone else does and Mommy should certainly understand every word of my profound declarations and observations. I'm so proud, so amazed, so happy, and I'm so in love with these beautiful babies (I'm not ready to start calling them children just yet).

At one year, Locke continues his quest to put a smile on the faces of everyone he comes into contact with. He's wise beyond his year, studying the inner workings of every object -- and every person -- he encounters. He's at once competitive and generous, aggressive and sensitive, independent and cuddly. He is now 30 inches tall and 24 pounds.

Lola is our little doll, sweet and happy. She captures hearts with her striking blue eyes and she holds them with her beautiful toothy smile and melodic voice. She has the most adorable giggle, which we all attempt to elicit (and Locke most often succeeds). She's very easygoing, patient, and loving. She's now 27 inches tall and 20 pounds.

Their birthday party was at Grandmommy and Granddaddy's house, where they were showered with wonderful gifts and played all afternoon with Aunties Paula and Lesa, Uncle Ken, Cousin Connor, Mimi, and Grandmommy and Granddaddy. Locke and Lola had their first taste of cake that day. I'd been fretting for weeks about what to feed them because I didn't want their first bite of sugar to be an overly processed, sickeningly sweet store-bought cake. So I found a recipe for an applesauce cake that used natural ingredients and less sugar than most others, and Kelly, the family chef, made it that morning. Judging from the way Locke crammed handfuls of it into his mouth, I'd say they loved it. Or was that me with the handfuls? Anyway, it was yummy.

Not only did they enjoy cake for the first time, but Lola and Locke found another new love -- goldfish (the crackers, not the disposable pets*). I was happy to find that there is no partially hydrogenated or modified corn anything in them. Besides, anything that has a serving size of 88 pieces can't be too bad for them. At least not while they're eating 20 or 30 pieces tops.

So, Happy Birthday to our beautiful Locke and Lola. You've changed our lives in so many ways -- all for the better. I look forward to the many years ahead, watching you both grow and learn. I love you more than you can know.


* I apologize to PETA members and all other animal lovers who may have been offended by the goldfish description. I'm a huge animal lover myself and that is why I'll never** have goldfish again -- because of my horrible memories of fish flushing on more than several occasions.

** I should have learned in this first year of parenting never to say "I'll never" again. 

Lola's Surgery

Lola was born with an extra thumb. Normally, I'd think that was a bonus. Just think about all she could do with an extra thumb. She could be the envy of our classical guitarist friend Tom. She could blaze the keypad on her (whatever gadget that will replace the) Blackberry. She could go up to eleven!

Unfortunately, neither of Lola's thumbs functioned the way they should so she used one thumb to grasp things (even though it wouldn't straighten out completely), and the other one served as a sometime binky (this one wouldn't bend at all). So it was clear that one thumb would need to go. And, since the outside thumb wouldn't bend and would sometimes get in her way, it would be the one. Besides, she rarely even sucked on it any more.

Our old pediatrician referred us to a hand surgeon when she was just a day old. He obviously thought highly of her (if you can infer that from him describing her as a "genious") and after meeting with her, Kelly and I concurred. So Lola's surgery has been planned since her birth. The surgeon wanted to wait until she was a year old so that she'd have more bone, ligaments, tendons, etc. to work with, plus, as she explained, babies handle anesthesia much better after they're a year old. So we waited.

Lola has been in to have x-rays and evaluations several times. The surgeon explained that she'd not only remove the extra thumb but also reposition the existing thumb and try to gain more movement through the moving and grafting of tendons, ligaments, and skin. It would be fairly major reconstructive work. She'd have general anesthesia, but it would just be day surgery -- she'd be home by late afternoon -- and she'd wear a cast for four weeks. We could handle that.

Four days after Locke and Lola's first birthday, we took Lola in for her surgery. I never mentioned her surgery before on a post, probably because the thought of having our baby put under general anesthesia and going through what could be fairly painful surgery was something I didn't like to think about. It made me very nervous. And a bit sick. Plus, since we were staying at my parents' house the weeks before the surgery, with little access to a computer, I couldn't write about it when I was having to confront the majority of the fear.

The day arrived all too soon. Kelly and I took Lola to the hospital at 6:30am while Mom and Dad and my sister Lesa stayed with Locke. The nurses checked her in, checked her vitals, and, after waiting what seemed to be days but in fact was only an hour and a half, gave her a sedative that made her somewhat inebriated. They also explained that the drug also has amnesic qualities so that when she comes back for any further treatment, she won't remember being scared, in pain, etc. Hmmm, it seems like I would have learned about such a drug on House but I guess that episode is upcoming.

When they took her away, it did help somewhat that she was smiling and blowing raspberries, and encouraging me to make noises back at her. But it gave both Kelly and I a sick feeling in the pits of our stomachs to watch her go into the operating room -- even knowing she was in the best possible hands. It's just not easy handing your baby over to people who are about to operate on her.

Kelly and I went to the cafeteria to attempt to eat breakfast and read the newspaper. In almost exactly two hours later (which is how long they said the surgery would take), the surgeon called my cellphone. She met us in the day surgery room and showed us before and after pictures on her camera. It was awesome. Despite the snaking lines of stitches and the metal wire extending from the tip of her thumb, Lola's hand looked totally normal. Like any other one-year-old's thumb. The surgeon told us what she attempted, where she was successful, and where she was challenged. Basically, Lola's thumb will be functional but will not have the mobility of a normal thumb. She'll no doubt adapt well to her limitations. She should be able to do most anything she sets her mind to, and do it well. And she can become whatever she wants to become.

Lola emerged from the surgery downing a bottle of apple juice. She'd never tasted it before and evidentally didn't have to acquire a taste for it. It was love at first sip. She was a little out of it but soon the first signs of our Lola appeared. She began making her noises, blowing raspberries, and pointing to everything in sight. She was going to be just fine.

She's adapted well to her cast, and gets better able to compensate each day. She's walking very well and carrying toys around with her other hand. We keep a sock on it to keep the cast clean and to cushion the blows to Locke, Kelly and me, but they've been few and fairly painless so far. In four weeks (now three), she'll have her cast and the wire removed. And she can begin to develop her movement and skills with it.

She'll have to have another surgery when she's 7 or 8 but I won't be posting about that for some time to come. Although, judging by this first year, it will be here sooner than I can imagine.

Time to Play Catchup

So much to write about, so little time. April was a whirlwind for us -- part vacation, part celebration, and part serious business. And it all took place back home in Texas. We stayed at my parents' house for 3 weeks. And we all survived! Seriously, thanks, Mom and Dad, for all your help and hospitality. And thanks to you too, Mimi, for coming 200 miles several times to help out. It's always a pleasure seeing you.

During our trip we also got to see several close friends whom I miss terribly. We moved away at a time when several very good friends were about to have babies so it's nice to go home to see them, and see how much the babies have grown and changed, and watch Locke and Lola interacting with them. It's also very cool to see these friends that I've known for so long as parents, comparing notes, living a shared experience with them. Maybe it makes our time together so much more meaningful, living so far away. But it's still hard to leave when it's time to come home.

Although many things transpired during this time, I'll recount them in order of importance instead of chronology, more for my own therapeutic reasons than any other. Beginning soon...