Everything Changes Monday

This weekend marks a passing that many have have experienced -- and even survived. But it's one that is weighing heavily on my mind and emotions. This is the last weekend before Locke and Lola begin Kindergarten.

Summer is over and our precocious preschoolers are now officially elementary school kids. It's hard for me to believe, and even harder to tame the whirlwind of emotions I feel about it. After several months of asking, "Aren't you excited? You're going to KINDERGARTEN!" I realized that, as much as I want them to share my excitement, they have no idea what being a kindergartner really means so I was only adding undue pressure to the whole situation. And the last thing I want to do is stress them out before what should be one of the most exciting days of their lives. But it's such a momentous occasion! And I am harboring the motherlode of overblown emotions that are understandably reserved for times like this.

I wonder what the etiquette for first time kindergarten parents is. Will they let me hold onto Lola's leg as she tries to walk into the classroom the way she used to desperately cling on mine whenever we walked into a new roomful of people? Will I be able to stand, arms folded, shaking my head in quiet defiance the way Locke used to when he didn't want leave a place that was too much fun? Or will I be allowed to stand outside at the window with tears streaming down my face after they excitedly run inside to begin their new adventure?

I'm so proud of the people they've become. They're compassionate, smart, creative, independent, talented kids. They're going to a great school and they're very excited about beginning this new chapter. I know they'll thrive and I'm so looking forward to their experiences and accomplishments. But I can't help but think of the big changes that are about to take place:

They will be in separate classes for the first time in their live (although they'll see each other daily at lunch and at recess).

They will be in school ALL DAY EVERY DAY, instead of 3-5 hours, several days a week.

They will be exposed to kids with big brothers and sisters -- you know, the ones who have already mastered sarcasm and cynicism, and who have seen PG-13 movies (gasp!).

And they won't be there to snuggle whenever I need a hug.

This is where we, as parents, let go and hope we've done what we need to make them strong and wise in their choices. Deep down I know they're ready. I just wish I was.